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Self-help/Spirituality

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A Sense of Belonging 

When I was a teenager there was a bar that sponsored a teen night. I went to these functions religiously. My friends and I would dance and laugh a lot, but what mostly drew me there was the sense of belonging I felt. Each week I received greetings from everywhere around the room. I knew these people, they knew me, and I felt welcome.

A Woman's Body Image

I lay in the bathtub taking deep breaths. I felt the cool air teasingly touch my exposed knees and shoulders while the warm water enveloped my body.

You can do this. You can do this. If only I had done this before I gained back 10 pounds. It’s okay. You can do this.

A Woman’s Strength

The growth of a flower and a woman’s strength are often intertwined. I asked myself recently, what are the “right conditions” for the full flowering of my soul?

Ambivalence in Relationships

I made the decision a few years back to avoid relationships with a certain type of person. Of course it was the type that I had always been attracted to. So, for several years I have been single. I’ve stayed away from men who weren’t good for me, but attracted me. I’ve tried dating men who would/could be good for me, but felt no attraction.

An Attitude of Gratitude

Whether through gratitude journals, beatitudes or prayer, there are numerous outlets for expressing thankfulness. No matter whether your gratefulness is expressed toward an outer source or in response to an act of kindness, expressing gratitude is known to have a number of physical and mental health benefits.

Balance

Balance an apple and a banana on a scale and the side with the apple effortlessly raises the banana. Does the apple have more nutritional value than the banana? No, it simply weighs more.

In a similar way we determine balance in our lives. What we value most may not be what we devote our time to. Instead, we place value on the responsibilities that weight the most: usually job or family. As with the apple and banana, even though our job may place more pressure on our time constraints, our personal time is equally valuable.

Breaking through the Blocks

A few years ago I experienced a sever case of writer’s block. I was under deadline to complete my editor’s letter for Evolving Woman magazine. I wasn’t consumed by any lack of ideas, but from an outright inability to make or let myself sit down and write. The “mood” was just not there.

Choose to Believe

I try to open myself to differing views. I think the importance lies not in which view is right or wrong, but in using the information to create our own truth. With knowledge comes enlightenment. I do not believe in being against anything; rather, I choose to be for what I do believe. How can we decide what we’re truly for if we don’t know the options.

Closing Time

I’m in the midst of experiencing numerous major losses right now. I keep trying to analyze what’s going on and how it fits with my belief system. Blow after blow to my vulnerability have had me in a daze for a while now. My usual “take it all in stride” attitude vanished. I’ve sat glumly wondering what I am doing wrong.

Depression and Sorrow

“Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity, or undue depression in adversity.” --Socrates

I've frequently wondered why it is that during periods of great pleasure unexpected burst of sorrow will surface. I spend the majority of my time in a blissful bubble, so I am always floored when while sitting quietly alone, a sudden, powerful sadness will sweep through my being. 

Dreams and Dreamscapes

In Dreams and Nightmares, author Ernest Hatmann, M.D., says the similarity between dreaming and psychotherapy is that both allow us to make a connection in a safe place. How reassuring to know that each night we can rest safely and connect with our own inner therapist. What a wonderful opportunity to analyze the day, problem solve, express our fears, relive our joys and commune with Oneness.

One of the writers for Evolving Woman, Marybeth Bethel, M.S., told me once about an experience she had during a clowning workshop. She said that she found the act of putting on whiteface became not so much an act of covering up her true self, as a blended enhancement of her truest qualities. Her words started me thinking. I had always thought of a “mask” as a cover-up, an escape mechanism, a crutch with which to keep from showing our true selves; yet, she was telling me that the mask was an extension of the self.

Fear and Faith

"I gave my life to become the person I am right now. Was it worth it?" --Richard Bach

Fear and Faith: two words so completely different, yet invariably connected. For me the distinction between faith and fear lies in the feelings associated with each. When filled with fear I experience a hardening of the senses, soul and reality: my shoulders tighten, I fight against my circumstance, teeth clenched. When living with faith if feel release, an acceptance of life and its outcomes. While in a fear-based reality, I dread losing control; faith requires a complete loss of control.

Growth During Transition

I’ve recently experienced an identity crisis. Actually, its just one of many I’ve experienced in life. The crisis usually occurs when I realize my actions conflict with my desires. I feel the conflict, stop, reflect, and create myself anew.

I think we all experience these turning points where we feel a need or sometimes an outright necessity to re-create who we are. I have “run away” to define a new interpretation of myself several times—for sure at ages 16, 25, 34 and 40-43 (this last one was a long one). These were major transitional times in my life. I run a way, in a sense, daily—or as needed.

Honoring the Journey

I Am Wise Woman

My mother had donned her princess cap, a glorious gold cone that dazzled with streamers and stars. In her hand she held remnants of an era she now relinquished: a cigarette to represent a choice she made many years ago; a Maxi Pad for an inconvenience she’ll never again experience; a piece of bacon, for she had consciously chosen to adjust her eating habits; and a highlighting marker for the years she spent as a school teacher.

Inspiring Minds: Creativity often feels elusive, but it can be found

Creativity involves the translation of your unique gifts, talents and visions into an external reality that is new and useful. Robin Goff, director of The Light Center, used her vision to create a retreat and workshop facility for holistic health education. Goff says it’s important to be intentional and clear about what you want when creating an intention.

Loving Ways

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”

--Mother Teresa

When I think of love I picture unexpected gifts, holding hands in silence, seeing your (true) self reflected in your lover’s eyes. But that’s new romantic love, not the kind of love we can spread daily through all our interactions.

Mature Relationship

Is mature love born of age or wisdom? I know that immature love abounds in many of our relationships: mother/daughter relationships are frequently fraught with turmoil and power struggles; friends sometimes act irresponsibly with each others affections; we often relinquish the power of our self-worth to our beloved. All relationships seem to come with ownership papers attached. “This is my boyfriend, my mother, my daughter.”

Love is a learning game and I’m still deciphering the rules.

Mountain Climbing

“You’ve got to go out on a limb sometimes because that’s where the fruit is.”--Will Rogers

I have always wanted to climb a mountain. I read mountain climbing books. I even planned a trip once, but it was cancelled. Mind you, this intense fascination with the sport is combined with an equally intense fear of heights. So, even though I have yet to climb an actual mountain, I have experienced profound opportunities to step outside my box and climb metaphorical mountains.

Passion: The Spice of Life

The Talmud teaches that everyone will be called into account for every permissible pleasure life offered but which was refused. What permissible pleasures are passing you by? What secret passion lay repressed within you?

Realize Your Insignificance: Release Responsibility

Small businesses fail every day because the entrepreneur refused to delegate. Usually the ego is responsible for this blunder. Why? Well, of course, no one can do the job as well. So the entrepreneur tries to do it all—and fails. It’s crucial to our sanity, our family lives, and our business lives to release responsibility and realize that we are not the only capable person. Even if a job isn’t preformed to our standards, life will go on. 

Silence: Finding Strength through Stillness

Our lives are filled with busyness. In the mornings we rush to get ready for work, then we hurry through our day to get home to our families. And once home, we cook, clean, care-take and nurture. Finally, utterly exhausted, we fall into our beds without having spent an ounce of energy nurturing ourselves.

Survivors

Taking Baby Steps

I wonder sometimes why life can seem so darn hard. Does it have to be hard? I wish I could just take one HUGE step from ignorance to excellence. Richard Bach says each struggle holds a lesson, but at times I still wonder why it has to be hard and why there are so many steps to take.

The answer came as I read Barbara Marx Hubbard’s The Revelation: A Message of Hope for the New Millennium. Barbara says our struggles are necessary so we may look back later and see the steps it took to get where we are. Only then may we empower others with our lessons.

The Force of Nature

I picked a Koan this morning that asked, “What is the meaning of life?”

It was a pretty tough one to ponder. I think everyone would like to know the answer to that one… Every tradition has its explanation. Whether it is love, finding a purpose, or leaving the world a better place, I believe each of us yearns for the answer.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is something everyone looks for. I, personally, have to remind myself that the searh for happiness is not in the “there” of things to come, but in the present. Happiness in not doing—it is a state of being, a state of mind.

The Search for Meaning

Is the search for God really a search for self? Is the search for self (therapy, self-help books, introspection) really a search for God? What if the two are the same? Maybe life is just a search, a need, an uneasiness we look to fill from an outer source.

Worrying About Money

“Anytime you have more than you need, you have abundance,” Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote in Simple Abundance; A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. This sentence struck a resonant chord deep within me. So much time seems focused on a feeling of lack, of wanting, when in reality, this is such an abundant universe. If we spend time each day focusing on what have more than what we need, then our lives are truly abundant.